well, cinquespotted, i’m SURE GLAD YOU ASKED
1. soft goat cheese. put stuff in it if you want, garlic or herbs or whatever, or i mean, don’t, whatever, it’s going to be perfect no matter what you do, it’s goat cheese.
tell me you don’t want that in your body right now and always. TRY TO TELL ME.
2. but waaaaaaait, you say, but i want something creamier, i want something that’s all soft and gooey and feels like it’s melted even though it isn’t. WELL, FINE, GOAT CHEESE BRIE AND I CAN MAKE THAT HAPPEN FOR YOU.
"goat cheese again?" you ask. "after all these years?"
and i say with one tear rolling down my cheek, “always.”
3. you know what i’m thinking about right now? mozzarella. but not regular mozzarella, it’s a little too heavy, it’s a little too thick, great when you’re in the mood for it but i want all the things mozzarella has to offer without the mozzarella-ness of it. BAM: BURRATA.
4. oh man mollyhall, these are all kind of fancy, i just want a little something something to nom on after work, when i’m on my couch watching brooklyn nine-nine and hiding crumbs by shoving them into the creases of the arm rests while i wonder why i’m not dating anybody. DON’T WORRY, HERE’S A LITTLE SHARP CHEDDAR.
don’t look at me like that. you’re not too good for sharp cheddar. nobody is too good for sharp cheddar.
5. okay okaaaaay, but what if i want to do all the things i was doing when you offered me sharp cheddar except i want to pretend that i’m a fancy, cultured adult who has a bright future and didn’t find herself frantically swiffering her studio apartment and hiding her dirty laundry in the bottom cupboard that doesn’t fully open because the fridge is in the way at 5:20 this morning because she realized it was a shithole and she has guests this weekend?
no girl, own it. own it. cheese means never having to say you’re sorry.